3 Ways Personality Tests Help Your Marriage

Updated: Apr 19, 2021


Personality Profiles | Who are you?


From lifestyle magazine entries to social media click-bate; ancient ideas to scientific research, there is no shortage of personality tests in our world.


These tests can tell you what color you are, which animal, which Bible character, what number, which combination of 4 letters (not the bad 4 letters) and even what "language" you speak. Not all are created equally and some will provide more insight and help for your self and your marriage than others.


That being said, there are ways that all of these tests have the ability to help you have a better marriage. Here are three reasons why:


  1. Personality Tests Create Conversation

  2. Personality Tests Generally Help You Understand Yourself and/or Your Spouse

  3. Our Motivation for Taking Personality Tests is Usually Positive


Personality Tests Create Conversation

These tests are full of questions. Whether you are answering them online or reading them out of a book, questions beg for answers. Those answers are then compiled and computed to give you results. Your brain is being highly stimulated.


Are they accurate? Is that you? What does that mean? What new insights about myself am I gaining? What new insights about my spouse?


Done alone or together, we share the questions that are dancing around in our heads and it can be fruitful conversation.


Personality Tests Hep You Understand Yourself or Your Spouse Better

The last one I looked into was called The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin. What I learned is that when it comes to me dealing with expectations, I am a "rebel." Yep.


When I was a teenager my family had a cocker spaniel named Penny. My sisters and I were tasked with walking her everyday when we got home from school. We took turns and had a schedule. When it was my day, I'd come home and fight tooth and nail to NOT have to walk that dog. The next two days? I would volunteer to do it for my sisters. The simple fact that I was supposed to do it vs I didn't have to made the difference in my mind. That is just one example.


Do you think my wife and I can learn valuable lessons from understanding my rebel tendencies? Of course we can. It can shape how we communicate and delegate tasks to cause less friction and spur better communication between us.


Personality Tests are Positively Motivated

Here are some things people don't say:

"I want to find out your Meyers-Briggs letters so I can make fun of you."

"I'd love to know you enneagram number so I can make you feel bad about it."

If someone wants to engage with you in some kind of personality profiling they are saying, "I am really interested in you and getting to know you better."

That's just the base of it. Typically we also are looking for positive change. How can I be better? How can I be better for you?



Go ahead, find a personality profile and go through the questions with your husband or wife. Be aware though that some personalities will NOT WANT TO, and that's OK. If things get negative or turn into an argument, you don't need to press the issue. BUT, if you are looking for an interesting way to connect or reconnect with your spouse, go for it.

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